Disclaimer: I have never read 50 Shades of Grey. I know it was initially written as Twilight fan-fiction, I know that it contains scenes of extreme BDSM and tampon retrieval, and I have heard the writing isn’t entirely spectacular. All of that aside, here we go –
There is a rising tide of people who have asked that the public boycott 50 Shades when it hits theaters, and no I’m not talking about the evangelists and religious right. I’m talking about everyone from feminists to active participants in the fetish community making a public call to stand against domestic violence by keeping their cash in their pockets. Rising disdain for the 50 Shades trilogy has begun to pique my interest into what might be causing such uproar. I read Anne Rice’s Beauty trilogy, I know how randy the notion of BDSM and feigned force in sexual interactions can be. Hell, I’ve written some pretty graphic shorts that involve the illusion of force and extreme dominance. I will admit openly that I couldn’t possibly be happy in a relationship with a man who isn’t capable of extreme dominance in the bedroom. Yet, 50 Shades doesn’t portray the subtle give and take of a Dominant male partner, taking as he pleases in the sack, all with express consent and to the enjoyment of the one being dominated.
I’ve been told that the character of Christian Grey not only denies his female partner the right to consent, or to deny such, he doesn’t take any time to relieve the after effects of extreme dominance. Getting held down and annihilated is all well and good if the man doing the annihilating wants you to feel good, wants you to feel safe. That is a major part of the BDSM lifestyle – consent, consent, consent, and always a sense of safety. Christian Grey does not offer such to his partner. Or in other words, when she says no, he still forces her to have sex, during brutal sadism when she uses the safe word, he ignores her, and to top it all off, he doesn’t snuggle her back to the real world thereafter. (This is all hearsay)
Damn it, if you smack my ass too hard, you better rub it after!
I understand the allure of these stories, the notion of extreme dominance can be very arousing, but when that dominance comes with true sadism, there is no reward for the one on the receiving end of it. As a result, I do understand where their chagrin comes from, but I ask you – Are you going to go see 50 Shades? Do you agree with their beliefs that the story is a terrible portrayal of a healthy BDSM relationship? Or is the hype too much to resist?
While you’re thinking about your answer, watch this.